MY LIFE'S IN SHAMBLES
My life has been upside down the last two weeks. Sammie decided recently that she was getting fat and she decided to join a Gym, whatever that is. She had been on a two week vacation lounging on a beach drinking Bushwackers. I was on vacation at the same time at the Doggie Kennel and I ran and played all day. Couldn’t she have gone for a swim, taken a few walks on the beach? What about drinking good old H2O. It’s calorie free and I drink it all day.
We had a great routine for years. She gets out of bed in the morning. I hand her the socks she’s kicked off in the night. She gets dressed, does her morning stuff in the bathroom and then we go down stairs. She puts her coffee on first (and she calls me a diva) and then she gets my breakfast. After that, we go out to get her paper and I do my morning toilette. When we come in, I lay down and relax while she eats breakfast and watches the Today show. When she finishes breakfast she reads the paper and does the crossword puzzle. She tells people she finishes the whole thing. She does, but what she doesn’t admit is that she cheats and looks up stuff on the internet. After the crossword is done then we go for our long walk. This too has been postponed another twenty minutes every morning since she got her IPhone. Now she has to do her Words with Friends Game. Sammie has a very addictive personality. By the time we finally go for our walk, I’m chomping at the bit. I’ve got a social life going and I’d like to keep it. We walk around our neighborhood and then cross the big street and we walk around the neighborhood over there. I have a gentlemen friend over in the other neighborhood. He’s a handsome Golden Retriever named DeeBee. We look forward to seeing each other every morning. I have to say he is one hot guy. When we get back to our neighborhood, I stop by my son Guinness’s house on the way home. He lives down the street and I have to check on him and make sure he is behaving himself. Sometimes I have to put him in his place.
Anyway, that was our routine and it suited me very well. Now because of the Gym my life is in shambles. Sammie goes to the Gym with the intent of walking me afterward, but it hasn’t been happening much. If I get a walk at all, it’s just around my neighborhood. I haven’t seen DeeBee in two weeks. You know how men are. He’s probably sniffing around that Labradoodle Melanie.
As for Sammie, all she does is complain. Her legs hurt from squats, her arms hurt from lifting weights, she exhausted and she is walking like a ninety year old woman. She’s tired of eating salads and misses her wine. When she makes a nice dinner she likes to enjoy a glass of wine. She tells everyone she just has one, but sometimes she has two. If I could only talk! The things I could tell you about Sammie. I hope she gets sick of this Gym. I want my life back!